Scale of Honesty

Ewww, sounds like a bad Dr. Who episode.

My brother is pursuing a second Masters degree in counseling.  Today in class they discussed the ethics of being a counselor and he thought of me or, more specifically, this blog.

He’s one of the few people I know who’s reading it, and he is concerned that, if a licensed professional counselor reads about my bouts with depression and sees reference to my past suicide attempt, they may be ethically bound to contact the police in an effort to make sure I’m okay.  Of course, there would be consequences to that, my biggest concern being my daughter.  I told him I’ve often questioned just how open I want to be on this thing.

I try not to be so vain to think that hundreds of people are reading it.  I know that’s not the case.  But, of course, when you put something out on the internet, it’s out there for anyone to read.  As helpful as it has been to give voice to my issues and concerns, I continually have to ask myself, “how far do I go?”  That may be one of the reasons I have yet to tackle the subject of my childhood abuse in great detail.  It’s not something I’ve discussed in depth with too many people, and I’m not sure I want to.

But I know that I’m not alone, that so many of the issues I’ve struggled with…depression, addiction, suicide, regret….they are issues that soooo many people struggle with.  Reading about William Styron’s struggles with depression helped me.  Maybe my putting myself out there might help someone else?

I’ve kept so much in for so long…I’m really trying to live a more honest and open life and letting go of the facade I’ve built to keep people out. “Mustn’t let anyone see my flaws.  Must try to convince everyone I’m together and happy”.  Truth is, sometimes I’m together, and sometimes I’m not.  Sometimes I’m happy, and sometimes, not so much.  Lately, I’ve been pretty good.  I’m far from the 20 foot hole, staying positive and just taking the days as they come.

Honestly.

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2 thoughts on “Scale of Honesty

  1. It’s simple, screw what people think.
    When you are happy, smile.
    When you feel like shit, say so.
    When you want to be left alone and wallow in misery, go for it.
    When you want a hug, open your arms.

  2. Paula says:

    I think if you write about past bouts with depression and thoughts of suicide, a counselor who stumbles upon your blog could simply ask in a comment if you are currently seeking counseling. On the other hand, if you write about a current desire to hurt yourself, anyone, regardless of counseling credentials, would feel morally obligated to reach out to the authorities to check on your well being. I think it’s a good thing knowing your space here may one day save you. 🙂

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