Spring Breakdown (with apologies to Stephen Glass…or not)

So, I took a week off to go to Texas to visit my family and meet (the cutest baby every) my nephew, Aubrey.  I figured it’d be pointless to do my points-counting thing (fresh tortillas and Mina & Dimi’s Greek Restaurant….HELLO!?), so I took a break from Weight Watchers. Though I went for a couple of walks here and there, I wasn’t at work to climb the 12 flights of stairs 4 times a day, so I took a break from exercising.  I didn’t have uninterrupted hours of access to a computer, so I took a break from writing.  These breaks weren’t in and of themselves a bad thing….but staying on vacation from literally every good and healthy habit I’ve tried to cultivate has been disastrous, both physically and emotionally.

I’m compulsively over-eating again.  Just general anxiety eating.  After stuffing myself come the feelings of panic.  “I can’t stop?!  Why can’t I stop?!” Then comes the depression.

When I’m anxious, I also over-spend.  Like spending $150 at overstock.com will solve any problem I have.  I had curbed that the last few months, but have fallen off the wagon fiscally, too.

This is the first real writing I’ve done since before Texas.  It’s not that I haven’t had anything I’ve wanted to express, I just went back to my old modis operandi of swallowing the angst instead of expressing it.

Lastly, I’ve ceased living in the moment.  I’m fretting about opportunities missed and future goals I might not achieve.

If ever I need validation that my recently adopted way of thinking is good, healthy, and useful, I can just look at this last month, when I dropped my healthy habits, both physical and mental, and find myself here, dancing around the 20 foot hole.

Better get moving if I want to keep from falling in.

Too busy to post, a.k.a, 19 things I’d rather be doing with my time

Right now, my weekdays are spent buried in employee benefits and my nights spent recovering from same.  I don’t mind being too busy to write, if it’s for a good reason other than insurance and exhaustion.  My list of ratherbees, as in, I’d rather be….

(in no particular order)

  1. Driving down an open highway in Texas/Oklahoma with requisite wind in hair and music blasting
  2. Learning to throw clay
  3. Painting
  4. Repurposing something
  5. Playing with my dogs/cat
  6. Hanging at the beach with my family
  7. Sending silly texts back and forth with my brother
  8. Sudoku
  9. Watching Leverage, M*A*S*H, Frasier or King of the Hill
  10. Writing
  11. Riding my bike (assuming the tires were fixed)
  12. Working in my yard
  13. Going to Adventure City with my daughter
  14. Making homeade pasta (never done it…want to try)
  15. Helping my husband run a massage business/spa
  16. growing my own food
  17. having a good talk with my mom or dad
  18. visiting with my cousin, Jo
  19. doing math (I know, I’m retarded)

Quite frankly, I’m too tired to think of anymore right now.  Goodnight.