So, I took a week off to go to Texas to visit my family and meet (the cutest baby every) my nephew, Aubrey. I figured it’d be pointless to do my points-counting thing (fresh tortillas and Mina & Dimi’s Greek Restaurant….HELLO!?), so I took a break from Weight Watchers. Though I went for a couple of walks here and there, I wasn’t at work to climb the 12 flights of stairs 4 times a day, so I took a break from exercising. I didn’t have uninterrupted hours of access to a computer, so I took a break from writing. These breaks weren’t in and of themselves a bad thing….but staying on vacation from literally every good and healthy habit I’ve tried to cultivate has been disastrous, both physically and emotionally.
I’m compulsively over-eating again. Just general anxiety eating. After stuffing myself come the feelings of panic. “I can’t stop?! Why can’t I stop?!” Then comes the depression.
When I’m anxious, I also over-spend. Like spending $150 at overstock.com will solve any problem I have. I had curbed that the last few months, but have fallen off the wagon fiscally, too.
This is the first real writing I’ve done since before Texas. It’s not that I haven’t had anything I’ve wanted to express, I just went back to my old modis operandi of swallowing the angst instead of expressing it.
Lastly, I’ve ceased living in the moment. I’m fretting about opportunities missed and future goals I might not achieve.
If ever I need validation that my recently adopted way of thinking is good, healthy, and useful, I can just look at this last month, when I dropped my healthy habits, both physical and mental, and find myself here, dancing around the 20 foot hole.
Better get moving if I want to keep from falling in.