Hello, I’m Stuart Smalley.
Now, I’ll wait here while you google that reference.
Still having some dark moments, but overall, feeling somewhat decent. I’m doing my situps and pushups every day (started at 3o each, now doing 40), reading every day, taking care of my skin each night and, most importantly, I’m painting every day. Starting to feel better physically and emotionally, though I finally broke down and put in a call to a local psychiatrist in hopes I can get a med check and some talk therapy.
In the meantime….
So good. I’ve set some small goals for myself and have managed to stick to them. Situps and pushups each day. Painting each day. Just added “exfoliate” each day. I know that may seem silly, but it helps me to feel better when I look in the mirror.
I’m REALLY pleased with my painting efforts. Not that I’m creating masterpieces, but that I’m actually just painting. I have a tendency to avoid trying things I have not fully mastered, at least in the creative fields. If that makes any sense. Like I expect to be a full-blown master at something the first time I try it.
This is not the case with less creative endeavors, like I’d find in the safe confines of cubicle hell. It took me a while, but I eventually became quite confident in my abilities as an administrative assistant, even though I loathed the job. I came to understand that I was viewed by my co-workers as one of the best, if not the best, admins in the office. I had a professional demeanor and was technically much more than proficient. This was due to my natural curiosity, and unwillingness to let a challenge go. If I didn’t know how to do something on the computer, I figured out how. I ended up sometimes irritated with others who would come to me for help, having not even bothered to hit the F1 key first, which is how *I* initially learned. Google is for everyone, people.
I suppose it’s ridiculous to not approach art the same way. I would have been mortified to be so lazy as to give up the first time I tried, and failed, to accomplish something on the computer as part of my job. It was a point of pride to me to teach myself. So why am I so impatient about my art? Maybe I’m hung up on the notion of, you either have talent or you don’t, as if every painter I admire just picked up a brush one day and ‘BAM’, “In Blue” is born. It takes time, and I’ll never get better if I don’t work at it.
In Blue, by Wassily Kandinsky
Waiting, by Audra Arr